What could you accomplish in your life if you never made any meaning out of hearing the word “no”? What if you had no fear in asking out beautiful women? What if the word “no” was simply information? What if you actually enjoyed hearing “no”? Here are four of my favorite ways to look at rejection and smile.
1. Thank the person for taking care of themselves.
(This is inspired by my friend & amazing sex educator Reid Mihalko) Whether it’s asking out a girl or getting a new job, the truth is you don’t want to be in a relationship that is not a win-win. If someone doesn’t want to be with you, you don’t want to be with them! What if they wanted to say no but said yes out of fear? You would be stuck with someone who doesn’t actually want to be with you, what a waste of your time! When someone says no to me, I’m glad, because it would be a miserable waste of my time to be with them if they don’t want to be with me.
2. Notice how ridiculous your brain is.
Here is an exercise that will help you understand how ridiculous your brain is when it comes to getting rejected by a woman.
Have you ever reached out to pet a dog that’s shy and cowers away from you? No matter what you do, this dog wants nothing to do with you. You move on, realizing there is no chance of you petting this dog. How do you feel? You don’t feel rejected right? After all, it’s only a dog.
Wait, you do? Do you see how insane this is? Your mind decided that because this dog is shy, that you are unworthy of love and attention. It’s the same thing with women. Rejection is inevitable, taking it personally is your choice.
3. Always be learning.
The first rule of self-development and something that I repeat over and over and over again with the men and women that I coach is this: The goal is to learn. That’s it. The goal isn’t to get her number, the goal isn’t to have sex, the goal isn’t to look good, the goal is to learn. If that’s true, rejection becomes a great way to accomplish your goal. If your goal was to learn everything about how a car works, would you be interested in finding out what causes it to break down? You bet you would. You would be thrilled to work on cars that have broken down because you know that would be much more valuable than working on cars that have nothing wrong with them.
4. See it as lack of information on their part.
When I approach a woman and they reject me after only meeting me for a short amount of time, I think to myself “wow, if she got to know me instead of just having a 10-20 second impression of me she would probably feel differently.” It sounds arrogant to some people but isn’t it true? How can someone really get to know you in a short conversation? Not everyone is going to have the chance to get your whole story, so for the ones that don’t, they do their best, and some of those will be a “no”.
There is a saying by one of my favorite authors Steve Chandler. He says “yes lives in the land of no”. That means you can’t find “yes” without getting a “no” as well. If you are willing to venture into the land of “no”, there’s a gold mine of “yes” waiting for you.
This is one area I am really struggling with. This is very motivational insight on how to approach the situation. Both literally and figuratively.
When A woman tells me to “leave” in a rude manner when I have only been polite I am not sure how to handle the situation. On one hand it is a public place and she is being rude and on the other I feel like I am doing something wrong. What do you think?
It’s all about what you make it mean, you could also frame it as “wow, I appreciate how she is being really clear in her communication”. Your judgement of her being rude is how you interpret her actions, which is ultimately a choice.
Dave – good stuff – you’re always inspiring me – keep on doing what you’re doing.
Woe, I was refered to this blog by a friend and just a simple 4 steps for me to reevaluate how I interact with my family and friends. Also, yes, girls as well.
Powerful stuff, I can really see now why you don’t get phased when women don’t respond as favorably to you. The last one really struck a cord with me. I realize I sometimes forget that a short interaction doesn’t give the whole picture.